


A Glance at Father Time

by protectginozasquad



Series: Mostly Kuroo Pining: Kurodai Week 2020 [3]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Car Accidents, KuroDai Week 2020, M/M, day 5: cold, it's sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-10
Updated: 2020-05-10
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:54:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24110044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/protectginozasquad/pseuds/protectginozasquad
Summary: Then, noise. So much noise. The orchestra of impact, the hiss of airbags, the choir of shattering windshields and suddenly misshapen metal.
Relationships: Kuroo Tetsurou/Sawamura Daichi
Series: Mostly Kuroo Pining: Kurodai Week 2020 [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1735549
Comments: 23
Kudos: 44
Collections: KuroDai Week 2020





	A Glance at Father Time

**Author's Note:**

> oops 
> 
> the song is what sarah said by death cab for cutie

_And it came to me then that every plan  
is a tiny glance at father time  
as I stared at my shoes in the ICU  
that reeked of piss and 409_

“Sir, you have to wait here.” 

“But I’m-” 

“We need to get him into surgery as soon as possible.”

The ambulance nurse turned to the doctors and started giving a rundown of the damage. 

“Punctured lung, unsteady cardiac rhythm-” 

And then they were down the hallway, out of sight. Daichi’s legs felt shaky, his hand still outstretched, as if begging them to take him with them. 

Why couldn’t it have been him instead? 

+++ 

The day had started so well. 

Daichi had been looking forward to this day for months, years even. Sure, he felt the nervous jitters as the ring bounced around in his pocket (worried that he might drop it, or lose it before the moment even came), but it was more an excitement than a worry. 

He had recreated their first date - they’d driven all the way to Miyagi (“Sawamura, don’t you think this is a little excessive?” “Shut up, you told me you didn’t have any work to do this weekend, so I’m taking you out for a trip”) and had enjoyed a simple night of “country life.” Tetsurou had never grown tired of calling Daichi a country bumpkin, and Daichi couldn’t help but love it. It reminded him of the old days, back in high school when there was a spark between them, but also a volleyball net, also distance, also all the things they thought would keep them apart but never actually did. 

The darkness illuminated the Miyagi stars, which Tetsurou loved. 

So under the cover of darkness, beneath the blanket of stars, Daichi had taken the step, gotten on one knee, and asked Tetsurou to marry him. 

“Yes, a million times yes!” He said, pulling Daichi up from his knees and into his arms, wrapping him in a crushing hug before capturing his lips for a deep kiss. 

“Yes,” he said again, eyes glassy. 

Under the cover of darkness, the whole world had changed. Their future looked so different. So warm, so full. 

On their way back to their hotel, Daichi noticed something coming at them, too quickly, down the dark, lonely highway. At first, he thought the oncoming car would shift back into the appropriate lane, but as they got closer, it became clear that whoever was operating the vehicle was not capable of correcting their mistake. 

“Testurou, that car is driving really erratically-” Daichi said, his voice strained, gripping his seatbelt tightly. 

“I see it,” Kuroo swerved, but it was too late. 

Daichi felt the accident happen as if in slow motion. The oncoming car drifting into their lane, Tetsurou swerving to avoid it. As he swerved, their car turned so the driver’s side took the brunt of the impact. 

Then, noise. So much noise. The orchestra of impact, the hiss of airbags, the choir of shattering windshields and suddenly misshapen metal. 

Daichi’s head was ringing from the force of the impact, but as he looked himself over he saw that the damage to him had been minimal. His eyes found Tetsurou within seconds. 

“N-no,” Daichi heard himself say as he saw the metal shaft protruding from Kuroo’s chest. 

“H-hurts,” Kuroo gasped before coughing, blood splattering all over his hand as he covered his mouth. “Dai, you’re bleeding,” he said, bringing his other hand up to brush a scratch on Daichi’s cheek, probably from the windshield glass. 

“That doesn’t matter,” Daichi said quickly, hands fumbling with Tetsurou’s shirt, which was quickly drenching itself red. “I’m fine. You-” 

Daichi heard the sirens approaching, bless whoever had called so quickly, but for some reason, they didn’t seem to be getting any louder. Everything was muted, muffled, as though the loudness of the accident had damaged his ears. All he could hear was Kuroo’s labored breathing. 

“It’s gonna be fine, Daichi,” he said, before slumping over. 

“No,” Daichi said. “Don’t-” 

And then he was being pulled from the vehicle by first responders. He was vaguely aware of pulling against them, insisting that he didn’t need to be examined, Tetsurou, just save Tetsurou- 

_And I rationed my breath as I said to myself  
that I’d already taken too much today  
as each descending peak on the LCD  
took you a little farther away from me  
away from me_

“The bathroom is just down the hallway,” the receptionist said kindly. Daichi looked at her, confused, before looking down at his hands. They were covered in blood. 

He tried to thank her, but no words came out when he went to speak. It was as though his ability to say anything had simply been taken away. Like he was under water, floating on an ocean of uncertainty. So he simply nodded and turned to where she had indicated. 

He wandered to the bathroom and let the water run over his hands. It was warm. 

Should he be crying? Should he be hysterical? 

All he felt was empty. A vacuous, consuming dread had overtaken his body and robbed him of the ability to speak, to feel, to hope. 

The way Tetsurou had slumped over in the car, body pierced and bleeding, the way he was barely breathing the entire ride to the hospital. 

Daichi felt like he was in the middle of a nightmare. 

Surely he was just about to wake up. 

_Amongst the vending machines and year old magazines  
in a place where we only say goodbye  
it stung like a violent wind  
that our memories depend  
on a faulty camera in our minds_

But the longer he waited, the more reality began to sink in. Everything was too normal to be a dream. It was like any other time he had visited a hospital. Never before had Daichi been with someone, hooked up to machines and barely clinging to life, and all the ordinary noises, the phone rings, the footsteps, and the pen clicks, seemed offensive, oppressive. 

Daichi wanted to scream. He wanted to throw something. 

But there were other things to consider. Other people in this waiting room. 

When Suga and Asahi arrived with food, Daichi tried to refuse it. How could he eat at a time like this? 

“You need to be strong for him,” Suga said kindly, handing Daichi a meat bun. “Here, just try eating one.” 

Daichi nodded stiffly and took a bite. He didn’t taste anything, but swallowed anyway. 

Suga had also brought him a spare change of clothes. Daichi made his way back to the bathroom where he had washed his hands earlier. The vacuous dread was starting to crack as the scene of the accident played in his head over and over. The sound of the cars colliding, glass shattering. 

Suddenly he was shaking. How he ended up on the floor, he wasn’t sure, but he was curled in the corner of the bathroom, trembling violently as fear took up residence in his chest, in his entire body. He tried to hope, but came up empty. 

“Daichi?” Suga’s voice came through the door. “You’ve been in there a while.”

“Be right out,” Daichi said, shaky. 

“Or you could just let me in,” Suga suggested softly. 

Daichi crawled - pathetic - to the door and undid the deadbolt.

Suga opened the door and looked down at Daichi with a sad, kind expression. He sat down, there on the floor, next to him. 

“Do you want to tell me about it?” Suga said after a long while. 

Daichi shook his head. 

“Okay,” Suga said. “Let’s go back out there, then. You should eat another meat bun.”

Daichi nodded and slowly got to his feet. He went to wipe tears from his eyes and realized they weren’t wet. He still hadn’t cried. 

“The time for that will come. For now, we wait,” Suga said, as if reading his mind. 

They went and took their seats by Asahi, Daichi in between him and Suga. Neither of them spoke. He was grateful. Wordlessly, Suga handed him another meat bun. Dutifully, Daichi ate it, still tasting nothing. 

_And I knew that you were a truth I would rather lose  
than to have never lain beside at all  
and I looked around at all the eyes on the ground  
as the TV entertained itself_

Asahi looked strangely calm. Suga was on the phone, voice tense. 

“He’s in surgery now. No, they don’t know. Daichi didn’t say.” 

Daichi’s chest tightened. He should’ve talked to Kenma and Bokuto himself, but he didn’t trust himself to speak. He thought the floodgates might open if he had to talk about what had happened. The time crawled by. Minutes seemed like hours, and with every set of footsteps down the hallway, Daichi’s head snapped up, hoping to see the nurse he had come in with. 

He felt like he was drifting in and out of reality. 

He should tell them about the accident, he knew. It wasn’t good to keep it bottled up inside. But he didn’t know where to start. And all roads were leading somewhere he was far too scared to go. 

A world without Tetsurou was one Daichi wasn’t sure he could navigate. 

_‘Cause there’s no comfort in the waiting rooms  
just nervous faces bracing for bad news  
and then nurse comes ‘round, and everyone lifts their heads_

“Sawamura-san,” the nurse said when she finally arrived, her face drawn. 

“Yes?” He said, barely even daring to hope. 

She shook her head sadly. 

“No,” he said. “N-no,” he barely even felt the tears well up in his eyes. He didn’t register as Asahi caught him when he collapsed. It was as though he was on an island. Sounds felt far away. 

“They did everything they could,” she stepped closer to him. “The damage was just too much.” 

_But I’m thinking of what Sarah said  
that love is watching someone die_

Was he crying? It didn’t seem like it. But his chest felt empty, hollow, yet like he had been stabbed in the gut. A warm wetness on the side of his cheeks assured him that he was, indeed, crying. How could he feel such pain when he felt so empty? 

“I’m so sorry. Would you like to see him?” 

Daichi felt himself nod, pulling himself out of Asahi’s arms. He must have thanked Asahi, thanked Suga, told them they didn’t need to wait for him (although undoubtedly they would), and followed the nurse into the operating room. 

_So who's gonna watch you die?_

A sheet was pulled up over his head. Daichi reached for it and, with shaking hands, gently pulled it down to see Kuroo’s face, his eyes closed. He wished he could say he was grateful that Testurou looked like he was at peace. 

But Daichi couldn’t feel gratitude, or relief. He doubted he ever would again. 

He reached for Testurou’s hand, and saw the engagement ring on it. 

Cold. He was so, so cold. 

Under the harsh fluorescent lights of the hospital, the whole world had changed. Their future looked so different. So cold, so empty. Their future was now only his future. 

His, and not theirs.


End file.
